Why I Hate “Fake It Till You Make It”
(And What to Do Instead)
I’ve never really understood the whole “Fake it till you make it” thing.
Sure, it’s catchy and people say it with good intentions. But honestly? It’s terrible advice, especially when we’re talking about building real confidence, overcoming imposter syndrome, and showing up authentically at work.
Why It Doesn’t Work
Because “faking it” is exactly that; pretending. Bluffing your way through. Trying to be something you’re not. Sometimes even stretching the truth a little too far.
And it’s exhausting.
Trying to remember who you said you were, instead of simply being who you actually are, isn’t sustainable. Not mentally, not emotionally, and definitely not professionally.
But the real issue?
It Fuels Imposter Syndrome
If you already feel like a fraud, telling yourself to fake it only reinforces the story you’re trying to rewrite. It validates the fear instead of challenging it, something I see with clients who are dealing with Imposter Syndrome at work especially.
Dr. Valerie Young from the Imposter Syndrome Institute, who has spent four decades researching this, puts it perfectly:
“The only way to stop feeling like an imposter is to stop thinking like one.”
So why are we telling ourselves to fake anything?
The Workplace “Insta vs. Reality”
When people step into a version of themselves that isn’t real, they rarely come across as confident. More often, they look:
- Arrogant
- Overly polished
- Awkward
- Inauthentic
It becomes the workplace equivalent of “Insta versus reality”, a big gap between what you’re projecting and what you’re actually experiencing. And this gap is exactly what increases self-doubt, performance anxiety, and the sense that you’re not enough.
The Reframe: Act As If
I’ve always believed that a great reframe for “Fake it till you make it” is to ACT AS IF.
Act as if doesn’t mean pretending. It means choosing the behaviours, the posture, the actions of the authentic confident, capaable version of you, even in those moments where you don’t feel it…yet!
This reframe approach is grounded in NLP (Neuro‑Linguistic Programming) and supports real, sustainable confidence building.
Think of your favourite actor or a soap star Coronation Street or EastEnders. You know the character, not the performer, because they act as if they are that person. They behave their way into the role.
You can do the same.
- Shift your posture
- Slow your breathing
- Speak with intention
- Take the action the confident version of you would take
Because, Feelings are the last thing to change.
Action comes first. Confidence follows.
Me Acting As if before going on stage circa 1986/87
The Gender Confidence Gap
There’s another layer we can’t ignore.
Many women grow up with “good girl conditioning”: be polite, sit nicely, get things right, don’t make mistakes. Fast‑forward to the workplace and it becomes:
- “I can’t apply for that job, I only meet 7 out of 10 criteria.”
- “Someone else is probably more qualified.”
- “I’ll just wait until I’m fully ready.”
Meanwhile, many men see the same job spec and think, “Seven out of ten? Brilliant. I’ll figure out the rest later.”
This is exactly how the gender confidence gap shows up in the workplace.
You don’t need to fake your expertise.
You don’t need to wait for 100% readiness.
You just need to act as if the 70% you already have is more than enough to begin.
Because it is.
Final Thought
Stop faking it.
Start acting as if.
Take the action first.
The confidence will come.
Enjoyed this blog, read some of the others I’ve written HERE
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