What are boundaries?
Boundaries show where one thing ends, and another begins.
How do they impact confidence?
Boundaries are an interesting confidence impacter. We hear lots of talk about them, how we “should have” them and what they “should be”. It’s true that when our boundaries are infringed by someone it can have a negative impact our confidence.
We feel like they have crossed a boundary but in real life they didn’t know what our boundaries were so how would they even know they’ve crossed it?!
Boundaries can be thought of as your own personal stop signs. Where you put your stop signs and what you consider “crossing the line” will vary based on your beliefs, values, and experiences.
Often when we think of boundaries, we think of a boundary of a land or a house or a field – something big and significant. Personal boundaries don’t need to be big; they are yours and can be whatever you want them to be. The key here is to make sure that if you have them and you don’t want people to cross them, you communicate clearly to others what they are.
When you are setting boundaries…
Give some thought to the 4 points below;
- Think about what the purpose is in setting a boundary or set of boundaries? What do you want to be different as a result?
- Start small, focus on one at a time, pick the most important one to you and start there, don’t overcomplicate or overthink it.
- Be as clear as you can with yourself when setting the boundary as this will help you to communicate it clearly to others
- If setting a boundary makes you nervous, write out what you want to say beforehand or practice saying it out loud
When our boundaries have been, (or feel), infringed by others, you’d be forgiven for feeling guilty for enforcing them or even for having them in place to start with. You might be thinking that you’re not being kind or generous with your time or actions, all of which will have an impact on your confidence. However, it’s important to remember that boundaries are there to protect the things that are important to you.
Having boundaries in place can help manage time & expectations for you and others. Not to mention how empowering it can feel when you have protected your boundaries because it’s important to you.
Where can you have boundaries?
You can have a set of boundaries in various situations or environments including:
- at work
- at home
- with family
- with friends
It’s likely boundaries will be a part of any situation where you are engaging with others.
“Boundaries are about you, they’re not about other people.”
As an experienced workplace mediator, ‘Peaceful Leadership’ coach, assertiveness and conflict coach, DISC Practitioner, interpersonal skills trainer, and mediator mentor. Emma Jenkings is well placed to talk about boundaries.
It was great to welcome Emma Jenkings back to my Confidence Conversations podcast to discuss the topic of boundaries. Exploring the definition of boundaries and how they can protect the things that are important in your life. As well as thinking about the importance of setting boundaries in both personal and professional relationships, and how they can contribute to overall well-being.
You can watch the episode on YouTube
Or listen to Emma’s episode on Spotify
We touch on the challenges of working from home and the blurred boundaries that present themselves. It is important to remember that boundaries are personal and can and will vary from person to person.
It was great to discuss reasons why people may struggle to set boundaries, often this can be due to a fear of confrontation or a belief that their boundaries are not worth standing up for.
We agreed that setting boundaries is crucial in work relationships as it can help to manage expectations and prevent conflicts. Having established boundaries through clear communication of roles and responsibilities, not only helpd individuals to feel empowered and take control, but they can also help manage time, such as setting working hours and communicating availability.
Having boundaries in place can have such a positive impact on confidence, because it’s empowering to have your own needs and values protected.
Key Takeaways from this conversation were:
- People may struggle to set boundaries due to a fear of confrontation or a belief that they are not worth standing up for.
- Boundaries and expectations are closely related, and setting boundaries helps others have realistic expectations.
- Setting and maintaining boundaries can boost confidence by empowering individuals to protect their needs and values.
- Top tips for setting boundaries include identifying triggers, learning from assertive individuals, and communicating boundaries effectively.
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