COMPARISON vs CONFIDENCE

COMPARISONITIS

How do we judge our worth and our abilities? Through comparison? What standards do we use, what criteria do we have for this? Is it by comparing our abilities and our worth with other people that we use comparison ultimately impacting our confidence?

The answer is yes – all too often we compare our abilities with others.

The problem with that is there is always someone you know, you meet, you see, listen too, on social media who you perceive as being better, more successful, more capable or who have more and have done more than you.

You can always find ways that you don’t match up to that. It’s only natural to know where you fit in the grand scheme of things. But measuring your worth and abilities against other people and coming to the conclusion that you don’t match up leads to feelings of being inferior, disappointed in yourself or even ashamed.

COMPARING OURSELVES WITH OTHERS WHO ARE “BETTER”

How often, though, do you compare yourself with someone less fortunate than you and consider yourself blessed?

Too often, we compare ourselves with someone who we think is better or has more, better skills, better abilities, more personal qualities, and better or more resources and / or possessions. We compare what we think is the worst of ourselves to the best we presume about others.

You may even look for further evidence to support and confirm what you’ve decided is true; the negative ways you don’t match up, what you don’t have, can’t do or will never be. But these sorts of negative comparisons only create resentment and feelings of unfairness.

Here’s 4 ways you can avoid the comparison trap.

Ask yourself, how does comparing myself or my situation to other make me feel? If comparisons leave you feeling resentful, discouraging and feeling bad about yourself, then clearly, it’s not helpful to think like this.  What can you do now to break this cycle?  What’s one thing you love about you or what you do – that’s makes you uniquely you?

Rather than comparing yourself with other people who are “better” or have more than you, see others as role models to learn from and inspire you. When you allow yourself to feel inspired by others, you can feel motivated and achieve and do well according to your own abilities, skills and resources.  Celebrate their successes.

Being more aware of what you do rather than what, compared to others, you don’t have, is far more positive direction to take. Identify the good fortune, privileges and qualities you have and build on them.  Play to those strengths you have, they set you apart.  Make a list of 5 of your strengths.

Comparing yourself to someone else puts the focus on the wrong person. Your skills, abilities, contributions and value are entirely unique to you. They can never be fairly compared to anyone else. Your time and effort could be better spent thinking positively about yourself. Stay in your own lane. Compare yourself to yourself.

Focus on what you have done and are doing rather than what everyone else has done and is doing. Reflect on what you’ve experienced, achieved and/or overcome.

See how far you have come compared too last week, last year, two years ago, five years ago. And if you’ve suffered a setback, focus on how you can move forward and gain ground again.

“Comparisonitis can erode confidence”

Comparison is a big confidence demon and in this episode, I invited the lovely Claire Henley from Cachet Associates to chat about it.  We explore the importance of feeling the fear and taking action, as well as the negative effects of comparison on confidence.

Claire gave me 3 really great tips for managing comparisonitis – give the episode a listen or a watch to find out what they are!

Watch the YouTube video below:

The key takeaways from this conversation were:

• Comparisonitis can erode confidence and lead to feelings of inadequacy.
• Rationalise the comparison by questioning if it is fair and reasonable.
• Ask yourself ‘so what?’ to determine the importance of the comparison.
• Boosting confidence in yourself and others can help combat comparisonitis.
• Stay in your own lane and focus on your own achievements.
• Celebrate your own successes and avoid comparing yourself to others.

Remember shift the focus from others to you – stay in your own lane and don’t let the comparison steal the joy.

Enjoyed this blog?  Have a look at some of my others on my website.

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