Is Confidence in our DNA?
It turns out confidence can actually be genetic and in our DNA, for some of us it’s thought to be anywhere between 25% – 50%.
Research over the years has also revealed that confidence genes can be manipulated and influenced over time – great news for those of us who don’t have so much of it!
Confidence means different things to different people and that confident feeling is can sometimes feel like a rollercoaster, it can be high or low depending on situations.
Like our DNA, confidence has many different strands, it’s deeply underpinned by 3 things:
- UPBRINGING – where our beliefs and values are created and held close to us
- EXPERIENCES – where we learn, create memories and build our resilience
- ENVIRONMENT – who we surround ourselves with, where we are, what we are doing
Whilst we can’t change our upbringing, we can alter our experiences and environment to impact our confidence levels.
With that in mind CONFIDENCE is something we outwardly display and inwardly feel, mostly driven by our thoughts which turn into actions.
For a confident display
For that confident display to take place, there are 3 more strands that build a stronger confident you.
- COURAGE – you’ll need this to give things a go – to take action, to act as if
- PRACTICE – if we want to be good at anything, we practice, pull up our big pants and do it
- CONSISTENCY – being consistent is what makes a lasting change
So, the good news is you can change your levels of confidence. Watch the Confidence Iceberg Explainer Video.
Confidence Impacters
These are the things that can have a negative impact on your confidence, and are often linked to the things that are below the surface of our iceberg deeply impacting confidence, related to Upbringing, where you may hear your inner critic as a parent, guardian, teacher, manager. Your self-doubt can come from many places and is often linked to our Experiences, where something didn’t go as well as we’d hoped, we remember that next time and self-doubt creeps in. Comparison links to our Environment, who we are surrounding ourselves with and when we compare what we are doing with others, we are always going to find ways we don’t measure up.
Confidence Enrichers
These are the things that can help you to build confidence. Determining, understanding and living your Values helps guide you, increases the confident feeling that things are going in the right direction and that you have guidance for decisions and action. Having self-belief is not easy to do, but if you don’t believe in you, who will? Remind yourself of all the things that have gone well and that you can do it! Self-compassion reminds us that we are only human. Be kind to yourself when things don’t work out as you’d hoped. Set boundaries and talk to yourself with the compassion you’d show a friend or loved one. And then of course, my favourite, pull up your BIG PANTS and go and do that thing you’ve been fearing or putting off.
You can find out more in my other Blog Posts on these topics.
How does all this work in coaching sessions?
Clients don’t come to me saying they want more confidence, but it is an underlying theme that’s generally holding them back in some form or another. There are too many themes to list, but some examples are:
- Self-doubt
- Fear
- A blocker
- Inner critic
- Stuck in the comfort zone
- Wanting a change / looking for a new role / job
- Procrastination
- People pleasing
- Starting a new role
Sometimes clients don’t know what’s holding them back. Sometimes they do but need a fresh pair of eyes or thinking on the subject – it was Einstein who said you can’t solve the problem with the same thinking that created it.
They know they need someone to work with to get them to a different place – someone unbiased, non-judgemental, and often someone who knows nothing about what they do – that way I can’t have any views or opinions!
Rather than tackling the problem at face value, we dig deep to find the underlying thinking. I point things out, repeat back, I listen, I ask questions, and we have a conversation. My clients then go off and take action, which needs courage, and then we get back together and reflect.
Coaching is a powerful way to feel empowered. It raises self-awareness and helps you to come up with the answers for yourself, because only you can truly know what is right for you.
So, for me, Building & Enriching confidence is about 3 things: CONSISTENCY, PRACTICE, COURAGE, possibly in any order but used together become very powerful.
Want to know more get in touch for a free Curiosity Chat to discover how 1:1 coaching could work for you.
