Tame Your Inner Critic

The inner critic can be described as a chimp, an inner voice, self-talk, a monster.  Overall, it’s the voice of self-doubt that you hear in your head.

The inner critic can have a negative impact on confidence if you listen to it and let it have power over you.  Whilst it might never go away, the good news is you can tame your inner critic!

What is the inner critic?

As the voice of self-doubt in your head, most people experience an inner critic type voice at some point in their lives. For some it’s prominent around professional lives, their career or their business.  For others it’s related to their personal life.

When we hear it regularly, it’s usually telling us we can’t or shouldn’t do something, it will hold us back from doing things and we’ll talk ourselves out it.  This can only have a negative impact on our confidence.

When would I to hear it?

The inner critic is the voice has your best interests at heart, it wants to protect you and keep you safe from any kind of risk, emotional, hurt, failure, criticism, disappointment & rejection.

Your Inner Critic is happy for you to stay in your comfort zone, and we all know that isn’t great for you either.  When you are in your comfort zone, you’re not growing or learning!   So, I guess you could argue that when you hear your inner critic speak up, it’s good news because you are stretching yourself out of the comfort zone and doing something that scares you, usually something new or something different.

What would I hear?

  • Harsh / Rude
    • Your inner critic will say harsh things that you would never say out loud to a person you love or care about.
    • ‘You Aren’t’, the inner critic voice will often state things that start with you aren’t, followed by a variety of things such as: thin enough, clever enough, experienced enough, good enough, attractive anymore
  • This or that
    • When you hear your inner critic it’s likely you’ll either be this or that and no in between. As an example, you’ll either be awesome or you’ll be pathetic. And it won’t be up for discussion!
  • The voice of reason
    • The inner critic will “appear” to have your best interests at heart, seemingly wanting to protect you.  For example: “Your work isn’t ready for that kind of scrutiny, you’d be better holding off for a while.”   Sounds logical, right? But remember not everything your inner critic tells you is true!
  • Questions, Questions
    • The inner critic loves to ask questions that always get you to think about the negative first. Such as; what if it doesn’t work, what if no one comes, what if no one wants to work with you, what if no one comments or likes your posts?
  • Broken Record
    • The inner critic will repeat core things it has been saying to you for ages, it might come up with a new thing every now and then but generally it’s like broken record!

You might not hear all of these, but maybe one or two combined.

Where does it come from?

There are lots of theories about why we have an inner critic, some say it’s down to our past and our experiences, how we were brought up, our culture or even the lives we now lead.

But most commonly we don’t need to have had a particular life event to hear our inner critic because the brain is hard wired for negative thinking.   Generally, people give more attention to threats than to opportunities and we are more likely to remember negative experiences in more detail than positive ones.

Our brains hardwiring has evolved with good reason, essentially to keep us out of harm’s way. The brain developed systems that would make it unavoidable for us not to notice danger and then respond to it, the well know fight or flight response.

What if my inner critic motivates me?

Some people believe that the inner critic is a positive force and without it they wouldn’t be able to motivate themselves to work hard and achieve.

But what happens here is, you work harder and harder to reach the impossible standards the inner critic sets you.  You find yourself firmly on the treadmill, not able to get off, heading towards burn-out, because the inner critic just keeps pushing you to do more and better.

What can I do to tame it?

The good news is that you don’t need to let the inner critic how all the power over you.  It’s possible that you will always hear it, but you can tame your inner critic so it’s quieter on a way that works for you.

My Top 4 Tips would be:

  • Acknowledge it’s not real
  • Name it to take away its power (I call mine Betty!  Find out more)
  • True or False
  • Do the ABC

Download my FREE resource to find out more on the tips and how you can tame your inner critic.

“The inner critic is well-intentioned but misguided.”

In this Confidence Conversation, Jacqui Jagger and I explore the role of the inner critic, strategies for managing it, and the significance of self-compassion in building confidence.

So, if you are battling with your Inner Critic, mine is called Betty, then this is the podcast episode for you!

Prefer to listen to the podcast rather than watch, listen on Spotify.

Key Takeaways

  • Confidence is situational and contextual, often influenced by past experiences.
  • Self-belief is foundational to true confidence.
  • The inner critic often stems from a desire to keep us safe but can hinder growth.
  • Judgment of self can prevent us from taking risks and trying new things.
  • Self-compassion can enhance our confidence and reduce self-judgment.
  • Engaging with the inner critic can lead to better self-understanding.
  • Comparing ourselves to others can undermine our confidence.
  • Recognising the intention behind the inner critic can foster compassion.